With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
