don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
