i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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