Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
