whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
