i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
