So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
