My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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