And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
