If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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