You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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