My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
