upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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