my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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