she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
