I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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