There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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