Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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