i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
