Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
