My nipple is on Facebook.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
