She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
