i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
