Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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