y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
