But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
