So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
