I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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