Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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