come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
