i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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