Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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