So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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