matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
