the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
