you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm too high and old for this...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
