Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
