Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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