first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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