also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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