Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
