There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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