My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
