We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
