3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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