I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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