You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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