Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
