My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
