i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
